I keep my eyes on You...

Took the step of deleting all memories and links, including Facebook and Blog link.

Call me drastic, but thats how I cope with hurt. Not all the time, just really exceptional moments.

I'm sorry I ever loved you.
I'm sorry I even tried to care.
But most of all, I'm sorry I gave you my heart.

Call me immature, call me weak, call me even pathetic but I like writing it all in words and expressing it.
I don't give a *beep* if the whole world really reads this.
I like being me, just me, and me alone.

Closure comes next.
I will rejoice in my trials and temptations, as it represents time for growth.

As for the future, my list of priorities just took a serious plunge and change.
God, family (close friends included here), career, and everything else.

To love is to expose and open up yourself to being hurt.
Then again, to cry is to show that we're human.



The need to protect myself becomes ever so urgent. And I pray that trust will never become an issue for me.

Lies and make believe, that's all you ever were. : )

When I come around...

*edited*

Just back from prayer meeting and I felt encouraged as He ministered to me. I'm glad that I went, though it was hard to put on a smile and pretend everything was alright.

God is still awesome.



Now all I need is time...maybe.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've finally seen proof.

Walking away will be...I don't know. I'm lost for words.
God surely knows how to give me the sternest test.

I never saw this coming. Perhaps I took it all forgranted.

Nevertheless, I'm shocked beyond words.
Heart break.
It all happened so fast.

Physical tears will come later perhaps.
Accepting it in will take some time.



I'm happy for you though.
Truth be said, you deserved better.
And I bear all the blame.
All the best to you.

PS: God, I know You know what's going on. I need You now, ever so badly.

These streets are filled with memories, both perfect and in pain

I am back from college today, and to be honest I felt quite unproductive. I promised a short update on what's been going on recently, so I decided to finally push myself to update the blog.

I caught Underworld: Rise of the Lycans as well as Bride Wars recently. So I have movie reviews to complete in this post as well. So, here we go...

9th February 2009
Monday was a public holiday due to Thaipusam that fell on a Sunday. Met up with Lynn Yee for a day out to Midvalley. Lunch was rather light at Nando's, and Sushi King due to the fact we both weren't really hungry. Caught Bride Wars after lunch. Picture time...


Mushroom soup @ Nando's.


Garlic Bread combination...


Continued lunch at Sushi King.


Here we are. A decent picture of me, after many many attempts...

Came back from Midvalley, and we met with Uncle Peter for Steamboat at Taman Manjalera somewhere near Kepong and Bandar Sri Damansara. It was good as I did not have steamboat throughout the whole festive season of Chinese New Year.


Rawr!


Main Course #1. Mount Kinabalu Jr. xD


Main Course #2.


Steamboat makes Matt happy. = )


Side Dish; BBQ-ed chicken wings.


Dad and Mum.


Uncle Peter. Thank you for the scrumptious dinner.


My extremely camera shy brother. If he sees this, I'll be so dead.


All other pictures were candid except this.

Tuesday, 19th February 2009
Had futsal after class and boy was it fun. Its been a while since we played together and worked out.


Best sport in the world. = )


'Yam Cha' session post-futsal.


Say cheese...

That was what has been happening recently, at least significantly. Now for the movie reviews before ending my post.


Underworld: Rise of the Lycans.

Caught this movie with the college buddies. I did not catch Underworld 1 & 2; however I understood the movie as this was supposedly the prelude to the earlier Underworld movies released. Action movies always tend to get my bias support and this was no different. However, in all honesty it was pretty good. I enjoyed the movie and the company thoroughly.

Verdict: 7.5/10


Bride Wars.

Maybe my expectations were too high, but this movie for me was just okay. Personal opinion anyway. The jokes were a bit stale, with little humour in my opinion. Definitely a chick flick and though I normally don't have problems with chick flicks, but this one wasn't my cup of tea.

Verdict:5.5/10

So thats all for now. Await my upcoming post on the BBQ, once I've gotten the pictures from Dan. Before I leave, gonna post up 2 random pictures.


Reflections...


Dan got a bit excited after Underworld. =D

'Cause today, you walked out of my life,

'Cause today, your words felt like a knive,

I'm not living this life.

As how life would work things out...

*edited*

Its 2.33am. No, I slept a while but woke up and realized I couldn't sleep. Reality is biting, biting real hard...

No physical signs of breakdowns, but perhaps only I know of the inner turbulence.

Need to sleep...

I will try, even if every gaping moment hurts...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If the reality is what it seems, it will sink in.

Eventually...


Hopefully...



Here's to your happiness. = )


Shucks, who am I kidding?
This hurts so very much.


PS: Sorry for the weird posts. I promise better posts after this one, with short updates on what's been going on. After this...

I see glimpses of you...

I used to follow the wind wherever it takes me, hoping for it to bring me to the right path in life. Along the way, I got thrown off my path and yet again its one of those moments. God was always there to put me back on the path, and I know this time will be no different.

Its just that this time, I face a dead end in front of me with nowhere to turn.

Decisions decisions decisions...




Perhaps its about time I choose to step back on the path I was headed. Perhaps I've hoped too much for this path to be where I'm headed and totally abandoned the 'real' path to where I'm headed.

I knew better, and yet I chose to stay.

Because of you...

Do you think you can find it?

Got this e-mail from a friend entitled Handbook 2009. Its a simple e-mail, but worth taking time to read. Don't think I'll be doing most of the health section though. Haha! Personally, it was pretty enlightening.

PS: I did not bold the certain statements below. It was already bolded when I received the mail. But those are pretty true (and important).

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about

So yeah, its been pretty interesting so far. Nothing's been happening much, but things are piling up as assignments and presentations are slowly reaching the deadline *hits the panic button*. I organized a BBQ recently which was supposed to go through the week after exams, but was postponed all the way to yesterday. I'm glad that everything went well, and the amount of laughter we had the whole night was crippling.

Pictures will be up once I've gotten the remaining pictures from Dan's camera. Till then, have a good week ahead. Updates will be coming up soon...

You're a part of me...

I'm sitting here alone...in front of the screen.

And it almost feels like nobody cares.



I want to cry myself to sleep.