But if you never try, you never know...

Forgiveness is now.

1 Peter 4:8 ~ Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

This verse never felt so real to me till now.
And I feel at peace.
Thank You Lord. = )



I'll be your guardian angel, love...

Not now, not ever...

I feel murderous now.

There's only one problem. My heart's been murdered and crushed beneath me.

I've got so much on my mind now, its almost crazy. Me thinks that if this were to continue, the pain would simply knock the breath out of me. Me feels like just lying on the bed, closing those eyes that have been holding back those precious tears, and just hope and pray that this is all a terrible nightmare.

Just a simple wish...



PS: Yay, this means I need a hug. God it hurts...

If there's somebody calling me on, she's the one...

This song brings about a certain sense of nostalgicness. Classic from Robbie Williams. = )

Disclaimer of opinion: Go figure! xD

Seeing a person you love walk away isn't an experience you'd cherished or want to remember for the rest of your life (though you'd remember it without your consent). It wasn't so long ago that I saw it all happen in front of my eyes. Felt like a knife being stabbed right into the back, except this time, it was in the heart. =D

A passing thought of you just went through yesterday, and I know I've missed you.
It almost seem like I've never stopped thinking of you.



But...
You're a happier person now.
And my absence has certainly made you better.
I'm not in denial, but I've come to accept it.
I pray to God that you'll find the happiness that you seek.



PS: I wished I knew if I meant anything but it doesn't matter anymore. : )

Edited

I freaking wished I never read your blog.

I'm sorry.

Just...don't ask me to read your blog again.

Too much details, too much pain, and the old wounds were exposed again.
But you've thought me the meaning of being hurt, and given me the belief to turn cold.
I don't want to love, not now...

*inserts word*



I will cry no more.

A thousand miles back home...

I'm back from Singapore!

I failed miserably in the competition me thinks. Though we were all touted as winners already to have made it that far, but I was kicking myself mentally for being such a failure. Blanking out during a competition of such magnitude irked me, and though I told myself that it was all in His plans, reality has yet to sink in.

Everyone kinda said the same thing...

"It's okay. The experience is what's important."

I agree. The experience is invaluable. I just wished I could have done better, to my very best. Then, failure wouldn't even be the issue. I just know I could have done better. Was bitterly disappointed and depressed, but enough about that.

So let me give you the chronology of events that took place.

- Touched down in Singapore, enjoyed my flight thoroughly. Phone motherboard crashed thus rendering me almost helpless as I lost connection with the outside world.
- Dan forgot to bring his WiFi card, rendering his laptop pretty much disconnected as well.
- Complications with finding Dan a place to stay but thank God we managed to get him in eventually, and for free too. = )
- I messed up my impromptu speech, and I suppose the winners were deserved in the end.
- Visited Vivo City and in the end, I was a victim of poor time management. Missed my check in time, and I ended up being at the airport alone for 2 hours plus buying myself another ticket which caused me a bomb.

Basically, everything that could go wrong went wrong. I forgot whose law that was, but it was so true. Was it Murphy's law? Anyway I thank God though, as it presented me with opportunities.

I've learned that...

- Never ever doubt God in the darkest moments of life. This proved to be so true once again.
- Always have contingency plans, and bringing extra cash when you go overseas is a start.
- God always has better plans, and trusting Him to work it all out for good is essential.
- Disappointments are a part of life. Face it, deal with it, and move on.

So yeah, I've lost all my photos that I've taken, and most of my contacts. I'm hoping to salvage my memory card though. If its possible, I'll be able to get my pictures back. Its time for a new phone real soon.

But it was the experience that matters. I'll try to get other pictures from the other days from my other friends from the other countries, as well as from Dan. I'm so thankful that God brought Dan along with me, cause I couldn't have survived the ordeal if it wasn't for him.

Anyway, looking forward to a bright future.



PS: My new laptop is awesome. And me managed to do some shopping. : )

When destiny comes knocking...

God's voice comes a listening...

I think I broke a promise...again.

A thousand and one apologies, and twenty more if you like. I've been either too busy, or lazy (got this from Rachy's blog) or...

I'm heading off to Singapore LATER!



Current emotions?
Excited, nervous, and...more anxiety.

I'll be off for 3 days at least for the Business English Competition, International Levels. Time has just flown me by and tomorrow is the BIG day. I'm not worried about anything else, just anxious.

But God is going to be with me and I know that when I reach the airport, all the nervousness will just seep out of me.

I've got my awesome friends going with me too, and a whole lot of wishes and support (including prayer support) from a whole lot of awesome group of Malaysians over here. So, need I worry anymore? =D

Anyway, doesn't hurt to be nervously excited.

I'll be keeping in touch (hopefully) and I hope I'll have good news to bring back. God is in control anyhow. = )

Till I see you guys again, keep me in prayer.
Singapore, here I come!

PS: Sorry for breaking my promise about posting about the BBQ. I'll get to it the minute I come back. Been really stressed lately. Pray for me kay? = )

Your faithfulness amazes me...

Past few days have been eventful.

But I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I know I'm supposed to post up about the BBQ party at Dan's place. That will come somewhere this week, I promise. I've had deadlines for both my presentation for the Singapore competition coming up, as well as my dissertation during this week. Hence my busyness...

Till my next post, be patient. : )


The mirror does not lie.

PS: I'm finding back my footing with God. He's awesome. <33
PSS: Did you know that I miss you? : )

I keep my eyes on You...

Took the step of deleting all memories and links, including Facebook and Blog link.

Call me drastic, but thats how I cope with hurt. Not all the time, just really exceptional moments.

I'm sorry I ever loved you.
I'm sorry I even tried to care.
But most of all, I'm sorry I gave you my heart.

Call me immature, call me weak, call me even pathetic but I like writing it all in words and expressing it.
I don't give a *beep* if the whole world really reads this.
I like being me, just me, and me alone.

Closure comes next.
I will rejoice in my trials and temptations, as it represents time for growth.

As for the future, my list of priorities just took a serious plunge and change.
God, family (close friends included here), career, and everything else.

To love is to expose and open up yourself to being hurt.
Then again, to cry is to show that we're human.



The need to protect myself becomes ever so urgent. And I pray that trust will never become an issue for me.

Lies and make believe, that's all you ever were. : )