Thursday, October 1, 2009

Skipping Stones Across The Lake...

Sitting in total despair, he kept his head in between his palms wondering how he got it all wrong all over AGAIN.
"God, You're gonna have to get me through this...or take me out at the end of this month. I don't know what to do. Worse, I don't even know what to feel anymore."

Hillsongs is on very loud on the earphones.
Only thing that's helping me calm down; keeping me sane.
In times like these, it's just letting it all out to Daddy.
He's always there, 24/7 no matter where...

Thanks to our morning talk, and that episode later in the afternoon...things have taken a turn for the worse.

"I'm giving you one month to see if you can cope and at the end of it if you can't, then I might have to let you go earlier. I know we agreed till November, but at the rate things are going..."

He's right.
I cannot seem to do anything right.
I feel like a failure...

I'm giving myself one month to prove not only to him, but more so to myself that I can do something right for once and not be labeled as a failure.
After this month, even if he decides to keep me but if I still feel that I cannot cope, I'll resign.

I don't run from pressure, and I certainly don't run from challenges when faced with them.
But I hate (note: one of the few times I even use the word due to it's strong connotation) being a disappointment to those around me, more so loved ones.
I'm not that close with him, but I cannot stand being a disappointment to him and being a liability instead of an asset to the company.
Bottom line is, we're relatives.
The talk this morning was gut-wrenching.
And that huge booboo in the afternoon didn't help my case either.

I told myself I'm gonna give my all, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Just one more month, and this is gonna be crucial in deciding whether I fail or rise stronger.
Till then, gotta keep clinging to God.

P.S.: Took this from Andrea's facebook shoutout this morning.

~ Someday someone might come into your life and love you the way you've always wanted. If your someday was yesterday, learn. If your someday is tomorrow, hope. If your someday is today, cherish.

...I do.


Joshua said...

Haha. I liked the perspective in this post. I liked how it started in third person--it was amusing. :P

That being said, I liked the perspective of the story, not the perspective of the author. :P

John 6:27-29 AMP
"Stop toiling and doing and producing for the food that perishes and decomposes [in the using], but strive and work and produce rather for the [lasting] food which endures [continually] unto life eternal; the Son of Man will give (furnish) you that, for God the Father has authorized and certified Him and put His seal of endorsement upon Him. They then said, What are we to do, that we may [habitually] be working the works of God? [What are we to do to carry out what God requires?] Jesus replied, This is the work (service) that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent [that you cleave to, trust, rely on, and have faith in His Messenger]."

You constantly sound like you're trying to prove something, my brother. The only thing we can prove is how useless we are without the grace of God. Look at the life of our Lord--if we take His into human view like you've done with your own, He was a failure: thirty years of being a nobody, three years of being utterly hated, and the world was happy when He died. However we, as children of God, rejoice. Why? Not because of what He mortally accomplished, but that He performed God's will completely--that He did what no one else could. Stop making this job so ultimately important; stop putting burdens on yourself that our Lord doesn't. A saint's life is marked by the grace of our Lord. Trials come, Matt, but they cannot conquer us, because they cannot conquer Him. :)

Here's, I believe, a better quote to leave off with than the one you did:

"When once we get intimate with Jesus we are never lonely, we never need sympathy, we can pour out all the time without being pathetic [...] because the last abyss of [our] nature has been satisfied by Jesus. ("

"And that huge booboo in the afternoon didn't help my case either."

Huge bamboo?

Matt said...

Thank you, but it's just something I do.
I see your perspective, and true to that I'm depending on His grace a whole lot.

Regarding my quote, just a random quote I saw on facebook.
Then again, thank you.

No bamboos were hurt in the process of the production of this post.

Joshua said...

Come on, man. you said "huge bamboo". You can't just throw a huge bamboo into a conversation and not elaborate--it's "unethical". :P What did a huge bamboo have to do with your day? :D

Haha. My verification word was "clapin". :P

Matt said...

Nobody said anything about a huge bamboo Josh.
Thanks for putting on your reading glasses.

"Clapin"? At least it makes sense once in a while.

Joshua said...

Wow, you're right. It says "booboo". Hahahaha! Would NOT be the first time that's happened. Honestly, I'm much more interested in the possibility of bamboo than booboo. :P Hahaha.

Matt said...

And I wonder why.
No wait.
I don't wanna know.
That just sounded...=_____="