Just ONE simple phrase.
I have random mood swings(for real) and this is gonna be one heck of a long week.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
You hold my world in Your hands...
Been sitting in front of the computer for nearly half the day. As usual, my mind drifted off beyond the boundaries of time and space and a thought came to mind.
"Time just flew by me. Do I know where I'm headed when I'm done next year?"
I searched for an answer deep down, but to no avail. Mei asked me yesterday, "So what do you plan to do once you've graduated?" I surprised even myself as I had no answer and I could merely reply "I don't really know yet."
I'm the kind of person where everything that I've planned must at least come to completion for the most part of it. I plan ahead, and even have contingency plans for the "just in case" scenario that so often happens. When things go beyond my control, I get frustrated and disappointed as I'm pretty sure all of us do as humans.
As Year 3 begins, I start to wonder if I know what are my plans right after this. I look in front and I realize that there is so much uncertainty and so much of fears surrounding what might happen, what might go wrong, and any related issues. I've realized that without a proper plan, as humans we tend to push the panic button and go haywire wondering what to do next. Placed in our respective "comfort zones" make us too complacent and stubborn to make a change.
Facing such a dilemma, I wondered what to do next.
BUT...
I realize that I have no need to worry or fear what is coming my way 'cause my Creator holds my tomorrows and my future. With all the prophesies about me going all over the world with Europe being among them, I am extremely excited. Time and time and again I hear of former classmates and schoolmates moving overseas to further their studies and I tend to wonder when my turn will come.
I just know that God has a plan to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future and I can rest in the assurance that His word is true. Looking at things through my human eyes, I see no way of all that ever happening. Looking at things through the eyes of faith and through His eyes, all things are possible to him who believes.
I am excited. This will only be the beginning of great things to come. I believe...
Signing off,
Matt
"Time just flew by me. Do I know where I'm headed when I'm done next year?"
I searched for an answer deep down, but to no avail. Mei asked me yesterday, "So what do you plan to do once you've graduated?" I surprised even myself as I had no answer and I could merely reply "I don't really know yet."
I'm the kind of person where everything that I've planned must at least come to completion for the most part of it. I plan ahead, and even have contingency plans for the "just in case" scenario that so often happens. When things go beyond my control, I get frustrated and disappointed as I'm pretty sure all of us do as humans.
As Year 3 begins, I start to wonder if I know what are my plans right after this. I look in front and I realize that there is so much uncertainty and so much of fears surrounding what might happen, what might go wrong, and any related issues. I've realized that without a proper plan, as humans we tend to push the panic button and go haywire wondering what to do next. Placed in our respective "comfort zones" make us too complacent and stubborn to make a change.
Facing such a dilemma, I wondered what to do next.
BUT...
I realize that I have no need to worry or fear what is coming my way 'cause my Creator holds my tomorrows and my future. With all the prophesies about me going all over the world with Europe being among them, I am extremely excited. Time and time and again I hear of former classmates and schoolmates moving overseas to further their studies and I tend to wonder when my turn will come.
I just know that God has a plan to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future and I can rest in the assurance that His word is true. Looking at things through my human eyes, I see no way of all that ever happening. Looking at things through the eyes of faith and through His eyes, all things are possible to him who believes.
I am excited. This will only be the beginning of great things to come. I believe...
Signing off,
Matt
This heart bleeds, but lives...
Its time for some updates again. Well, at least there have been some considerable activities going on. Classes officially begins today, so all the busyness will probably start today.
So, yesterday...
Monday, 22nd September 2008
Went for the year 3 orientation which lasted 2 hours long. There were too many forms to be filled and so many notices and updates to take into consideration. This final year will be assessed externally, so I guess leniency from the lecturers go out of the window. Anyway, just for knowledge sake, I'm enlisted under Ashcroft International Business School which is under Cambridge & Chelmsford.
After orientation, dropped Adam back only to realize that my back tyre was flat. Thankfully, we were at his house and we managed to change it within 40 minutes under scorching sun. It was just slightly pass 12pm, so you can guess how unbearably hot the sun was. Anyway, thank God Adam was there, cause its quite impossible to change the tyre single-handedly.
At night, we went for the AG (which stands for Assemblies of God) Charity Dinner held at the Sivik Hall at MBPJ, State. So, here comes the pictures...
Yes, Teresa Kok one of the Selangor MP's was the special guest.
Mum and I.
No comment. Haha!
The entrance. My apologies for the unclear picture.
Front view of the stage.
Side view of the stage.
Shiny lights.
They even had a countdown before the event begun.
Food!
Shen and Matt.
From L-R: Aunt May Ling, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Josephine, and Aunt Ina.
Aunt Wen See and "mum". My God mother to be exact. xD
Anyway, that was about it. Went back around 10pm-ish. Was sitting at the extreme right and thus a lack of clear pictures. It was a shame, cause I failed to take proper pictures of the performances and stuff and we did not stay for the finale which was taken by Juwita Suwito. Oh well...
I'm off to college. Classes...
Gah...
Signing off,
Matt
So, yesterday...
Monday, 22nd September 2008
Went for the year 3 orientation which lasted 2 hours long. There were too many forms to be filled and so many notices and updates to take into consideration. This final year will be assessed externally, so I guess leniency from the lecturers go out of the window. Anyway, just for knowledge sake, I'm enlisted under Ashcroft International Business School which is under Cambridge & Chelmsford.
After orientation, dropped Adam back only to realize that my back tyre was flat. Thankfully, we were at his house and we managed to change it within 40 minutes under scorching sun. It was just slightly pass 12pm, so you can guess how unbearably hot the sun was. Anyway, thank God Adam was there, cause its quite impossible to change the tyre single-handedly.
At night, we went for the AG (which stands for Assemblies of God) Charity Dinner held at the Sivik Hall at MBPJ, State. So, here comes the pictures...
Yes, Teresa Kok one of the Selangor MP's was the special guest.
Mum and I.
No comment. Haha!
The entrance. My apologies for the unclear picture.
Front view of the stage.
Side view of the stage.
Shiny lights.
They even had a countdown before the event begun.
Food!
Shen and Matt.
From L-R: Aunt May Ling, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Josephine, and Aunt Ina.
Aunt Wen See and "mum". My God mother to be exact. xD
Anyway, that was about it. Went back around 10pm-ish. Was sitting at the extreme right and thus a lack of clear pictures. It was a shame, cause I failed to take proper pictures of the performances and stuff and we did not stay for the finale which was taken by Juwita Suwito. Oh well...
I'm off to college. Classes...
Gah...
Signing off,
Matt
Friday, September 19, 2008
Here and thereafter....
Listening to: Hosanna - Hillsongs UNITED
Had a pretty long day today, but I came back in one piece. Went to run some errands with dad in the morning before heading to Subang to pick Karmen up for her birthday celebration. Zhao Hao tagged along and we met Nick there as well. Finally, we went for Sakae Sushi at Sunway Pyramid, but we didn't try the promotional buffet though. Wasn't worth it, as most of the nice dishes are classified under the "red plates" section whereby its not included in the buffet.
Pictures!
Went for "lok-lok" while waiting for Nick to arrive.
Food makes her happy.
Random "Raya" decoration.
Backdrop for their "Raya" promotions.
If you look carefully, there are 3 workers cleaning the same area. xD
Random decorationg @ Sakae Sushi!
Sushi...me likey.
Candid...Karmen stoning again.
Nick.
Nick again.
She dozing off on our way back to her place.
The road that stretch for miles and miles...
Matt and Nick @ Karmen's place.
Self portrait. = )
Zhao Hao was camera shy and thus I didn't get a picture of him. Didn't take any pictures of the Sushi though. Too many plates. After Sushi's, we went back to Karmen's place to hang out. Reached back at around 8-ish. I honestly ended up clicking with Nick better at the end of the day. Today proved to be the day where I learned the truth for myself.
What did I gain from today? Nothing at all, except something that money cannot buy. I learned a lesson and I know what it means now and why circumstances will always mold themselves to be the way things turn out to be. I had to do everything possible that would totally break me down and then pull myself back together again.
Just to test my resolve, I did everything including staying up yesterday to keep someone company, did the last minute assignment to be handed in today (partly anyway), send the assignment, drove all the way to Subang to pick her up, and spent her lunch. In the end, things went as expected. No "thank you" (not that I expect anything) nor was there much to pick up from.
Am I happy? Yes and no. Yes, 'cause I've realized who my true friends are. I've realized how important God is and above all, no matter what happens He is the only best friend that is there all the time. No, 'cause I could see how circumstances will play itself out and it all came as exactly as predicted.
However, its all good. I'm pretty happy actually. I can honestly say this...
I don't really care anymore and I don't need to. I don't give a rat's poo as to what happens anymore. I've come to the bottomline that those who do not bother to keep the friendship going, whose ego is too huge to do anything about it can just be pushed aside.
I will NOT tolerate anymore. I'm proud to say I have closed another chapter today, and I will start a new chapter without the existance of having known any of the mentioned individuals, which sad to say will never know its them.]
Here and thereafter, separate ways shall we go...
Evil? No...clarity for me.
Signing off,
Matt
Had a pretty long day today, but I came back in one piece. Went to run some errands with dad in the morning before heading to Subang to pick Karmen up for her birthday celebration. Zhao Hao tagged along and we met Nick there as well. Finally, we went for Sakae Sushi at Sunway Pyramid, but we didn't try the promotional buffet though. Wasn't worth it, as most of the nice dishes are classified under the "red plates" section whereby its not included in the buffet.
Pictures!
Went for "lok-lok" while waiting for Nick to arrive.
Food makes her happy.
Random "Raya" decoration.
Backdrop for their "Raya" promotions.
If you look carefully, there are 3 workers cleaning the same area. xD
Random decorationg @ Sakae Sushi!
Sushi...me likey.
Candid...Karmen stoning again.
Nick.
Nick again.
She dozing off on our way back to her place.
The road that stretch for miles and miles...
Matt and Nick @ Karmen's place.
Self portrait. = )
Zhao Hao was camera shy and thus I didn't get a picture of him. Didn't take any pictures of the Sushi though. Too many plates. After Sushi's, we went back to Karmen's place to hang out. Reached back at around 8-ish. I honestly ended up clicking with Nick better at the end of the day. Today proved to be the day where I learned the truth for myself.
What did I gain from today? Nothing at all, except something that money cannot buy. I learned a lesson and I know what it means now and why circumstances will always mold themselves to be the way things turn out to be. I had to do everything possible that would totally break me down and then pull myself back together again.
Just to test my resolve, I did everything including staying up yesterday to keep someone company, did the last minute assignment to be handed in today (partly anyway), send the assignment, drove all the way to Subang to pick her up, and spent her lunch. In the end, things went as expected. No "thank you" (not that I expect anything) nor was there much to pick up from.
Am I happy? Yes and no. Yes, 'cause I've realized who my true friends are. I've realized how important God is and above all, no matter what happens He is the only best friend that is there all the time. No, 'cause I could see how circumstances will play itself out and it all came as exactly as predicted.
However, its all good. I'm pretty happy actually. I can honestly say this...
I don't really care anymore and I don't need to. I don't give a rat's poo as to what happens anymore. I've come to the bottomline that those who do not bother to keep the friendship going, whose ego is too huge to do anything about it can just be pushed aside.
I will NOT tolerate anymore. I'm proud to say I have closed another chapter today, and I will start a new chapter without the existance of having known any of the mentioned individuals, which sad to say will never know its them.]
Here and thereafter, separate ways shall we go...
Evil? No...clarity for me.
Signing off,
Matt
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I'd yank out my heart and keep it in a closet...
Holidays have been uneventful, but managed to spend some time with family yesterday as it was a public holiday.
Headed off to catch the Dark Knight at Midvalley (since they have not watched it) and we had good seats with the usual "movie day" price. It was my third time watching it in the cinemas, so no surprises. However, it was still fun nonetheless. Awesome movie. Movie of the year maybe? I personally think it's better than Transformers.
Went for lunch at a Nyonya restaurant below at Gardens before heading back. So, some food pictures. The food was pretty reasonable for its price by the way.
Appetizers.
Andrew's Yellow Laksa.
Mum's and mine. Kunyit rice & curry chicken. Probably the best among the others...
Dad's half-eaten Nasi Lemak.
This is a must try. Serious authentic Nyonya cendol. Was really good.
I forgot to take more pictures, especially of the ambience and the restaurant's name. So if you want to know where it is, you'll have to take me along. xD
Year 3 is starting this Monday. I need a longer break. Anyway, I'm off to futsal in a bit. Gonna probably have something on tomorrow. Stay tuned. = )
Signing off,
Matt
PS: No self-portraits this time. Adam, you better stop complaining. =P
Headed off to catch the Dark Knight at Midvalley (since they have not watched it) and we had good seats with the usual "movie day" price. It was my third time watching it in the cinemas, so no surprises. However, it was still fun nonetheless. Awesome movie. Movie of the year maybe? I personally think it's better than Transformers.
Went for lunch at a Nyonya restaurant below at Gardens before heading back. So, some food pictures. The food was pretty reasonable for its price by the way.
Appetizers.
Andrew's Yellow Laksa.
Mum's and mine. Kunyit rice & curry chicken. Probably the best among the others...
Dad's half-eaten Nasi Lemak.
This is a must try. Serious authentic Nyonya cendol. Was really good.
I forgot to take more pictures, especially of the ambience and the restaurant's name. So if you want to know where it is, you'll have to take me along. xD
Year 3 is starting this Monday. I need a longer break. Anyway, I'm off to futsal in a bit. Gonna probably have something on tomorrow. Stay tuned. = )
Signing off,
Matt
PS: No self-portraits this time. Adam, you better stop complaining. =P
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I watched from the sidewalks as love passed me by...
Listening to: My Future Decided - Hillsongs UNITED
Happy Birthday Szu Huei! You are missed very much. Hope you have a great birthday. Come back from Aussie soon! = )
Anyway, before I go on further, let me just state the obvious...
I'm FREE! Yes, free from stress, free from exams, free from the early morning rush, free from everything else. Today was the last day of exam, and it went pretty okay I guess. It felt like an extremely heavy burden just got lifted off my back. Breathing seems so much easier now.
So, with this declaration, I am currently free for the next few days till Year 3 starts the following Monday. I know, no holidays but I'll survive. A short break is all I need. I have a few plans on hold. Need to get updated on movie shows, need to go for my monthly round of sushi. Sakae Sushi at Sunway is having a promotional buffet during tea time. So, all I need is someone to go with. xD
Any other plans? I wanna really spend the short holidays well, including getting a research topic for year 3. Anyway, thats about it. Just had to say it. So, give me a ring, a ding, or just a message anywhere. =D
Signing off,
Matt
Happy Birthday Szu Huei! You are missed very much. Hope you have a great birthday. Come back from Aussie soon! = )
Anyway, before I go on further, let me just state the obvious...
I'm FREE! Yes, free from stress, free from exams, free from the early morning rush, free from everything else. Today was the last day of exam, and it went pretty okay I guess. It felt like an extremely heavy burden just got lifted off my back. Breathing seems so much easier now.
So, with this declaration, I am currently free for the next few days till Year 3 starts the following Monday. I know, no holidays but I'll survive. A short break is all I need. I have a few plans on hold. Need to get updated on movie shows, need to go for my monthly round of sushi. Sakae Sushi at Sunway is having a promotional buffet during tea time. So, all I need is someone to go with. xD
Any other plans? I wanna really spend the short holidays well, including getting a research topic for year 3. Anyway, thats about it. Just had to say it. So, give me a ring, a ding, or just a message anywhere. =D
Signing off,
Matt
Monday, September 15, 2008
The same drama unfolds over and over again...
Been studying, stressing, depressing (quite badly the past few days) and there is yet to come the 'releasing'. Tomorrow's the final day of exam with Budgeting, Planning & Costing coming up at 9.30am. Last Friday's extremely annoying Advanced Financial Accounting proved to be a hurdle I hope will come out with flying colours. Personally, I could have done way much better, but I blanked out. Anyway, just some updates.
- Whole of last week was spent group studying everyday in college.
- Last Friday, went through the toughest paper. Waiting for God to pull me through. = ) After exam, went to Dan's house to celebrate Eddie's birthday. Had BBQ, and went back full. *deleted the pictures since I was kinda in a lousy mood*
- Saturday, met up with Eu Jin after worship practice for dinner and subsequently, the Liverpool - Manchester United match. A glorious moment and definitely one of the better things that happened last week. Keeps me going. Liverpool 2 - Manchester United 1.
- Sunday, sermon once again hit home, and for the first time, had a hard time concentrating on anything. End of the day, was extremely surprised when "Dude" Shen gave me his rather new laptop. The most expensive gift I've ever received. Thank you so very much. Playing with my new toy now.
Packard Bell, very the canggih. Me very the happy.
Gadgets make Matt a happy boy.
- Learned that God knows when and how to bring us back up. At a very very low point in life, He taught me that He still cares and His love never fails. Amen to that. Thank You for the new laptop. I guess You really do hear our deepest inner desires. = )
Anyway, thats about it. Leave you a last random picture that I snapped at a playground before I head back to studies.
Means no "touchy-touchy, huggy-huggy, or kissy-kissy" in the park. Anything further is definitely out. xD
Signing off,
Matt
- Whole of last week was spent group studying everyday in college.
- Last Friday, went through the toughest paper. Waiting for God to pull me through. = ) After exam, went to Dan's house to celebrate Eddie's birthday. Had BBQ, and went back full. *deleted the pictures since I was kinda in a lousy mood*
- Saturday, met up with Eu Jin after worship practice for dinner and subsequently, the Liverpool - Manchester United match. A glorious moment and definitely one of the better things that happened last week. Keeps me going. Liverpool 2 - Manchester United 1.
- Sunday, sermon once again hit home, and for the first time, had a hard time concentrating on anything. End of the day, was extremely surprised when "Dude" Shen gave me his rather new laptop. The most expensive gift I've ever received. Thank you so very much. Playing with my new toy now.
Packard Bell, very the canggih. Me very the happy.
Gadgets make Matt a happy boy.
- Learned that God knows when and how to bring us back up. At a very very low point in life, He taught me that He still cares and His love never fails. Amen to that. Thank You for the new laptop. I guess You really do hear our deepest inner desires. = )
Anyway, thats about it. Leave you a last random picture that I snapped at a playground before I head back to studies.
Means no "touchy-touchy, huggy-huggy, or kissy-kissy" in the park. Anything further is definitely out. xD
Signing off,
Matt
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
As the final hurdle approaches...
My apologies for being absent and leaving my blog on a hiatus without word of notification. Since not many people read, so I just quietly disappeared a while. I'm stuck with nothing but revision. So I don't think there's much to update either. If I go on any further, it'll be more rants. I shall not.
Anyway, finals are in 2 days or so. Pray for me.
The stress combined with the pressure to do well and the extreme disappointments of the previous semester's results, I might not make it alive once I'm done with my exams. So, do keep me in prayer. Other than that, I'm off to studies, again.
Signing off,
Matt
PS: I need nobody to annoy me, irritate me, insult me, hurt me, disappoint me, step on me, and most definitely not use me. Please, make up your mind. Do NOT treat me like a stand-by friend. I don't care if you read this or not, but this would have been your final warning. Thank you.
Anyway, finals are in 2 days or so. Pray for me.
The stress combined with the pressure to do well and the extreme disappointments of the previous semester's results, I might not make it alive once I'm done with my exams. So, do keep me in prayer. Other than that, I'm off to studies, again.
Signing off,
Matt
PS: I need nobody to annoy me, irritate me, insult me, hurt me, disappoint me, step on me, and most definitely not use me. Please, make up your mind. Do NOT treat me like a stand-by friend. I don't care if you read this or not, but this would have been your final warning. Thank you.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
When I'm weak, You are strong...
Listening to: My Future Decided - Hillsongs UNITED
Coming back from church, grim reality knocked on my door again. Church was great, youth was great, and definitely something worth looking forward to every weekend. Somehow though, I came back and realized exams are looming nearer as the date seems to appear out of nowhere. I know God will pull me through this, but I just seem to face undeniable stress, tiredness, and somehow feel just really discouraged.
This next 2 weeks will be crucial to my future and I know it. Lets hope for the best though. I'm just so tired.
God, bring me through this like how You've always been faithful. I'm letting go...
Nothing I feel right now makes sense.
I need a hug.
Signing off,
Matt
Coming back from church, grim reality knocked on my door again. Church was great, youth was great, and definitely something worth looking forward to every weekend. Somehow though, I came back and realized exams are looming nearer as the date seems to appear out of nowhere. I know God will pull me through this, but I just seem to face undeniable stress, tiredness, and somehow feel just really discouraged.
This next 2 weeks will be crucial to my future and I know it. Lets hope for the best though. I'm just so tired.
God, bring me through this like how You've always been faithful. I'm letting go...
Nothing I feel right now makes sense.
I need a hug.
Signing off,
Matt
Friday, September 5, 2008
Disappointment storm brewing....
Listening to: Bye bye - Mariah Carey
Came back from college a short while ago for a supposedly group study. Ended up studying very little, finding out previous semester's results.
Disappointed.
That word is an understatement to what I'm feeling now. My scholarship might be on the chopping board, and if last semester's results are used to count for the end grade (whether first class honours or lower), then I'm so dead. My results will not come up anywhere on this blog.
I will score straight A's for this coming finals. I must...
So discouraged and disappointed.
But...
I believe God is still faithful.
For all things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose - Romans 8:28
Signing off,
Matt
Came back from college a short while ago for a supposedly group study. Ended up studying very little, finding out previous semester's results.
Disappointed.
That word is an understatement to what I'm feeling now. My scholarship might be on the chopping board, and if last semester's results are used to count for the end grade (whether first class honours or lower), then I'm so dead. My results will not come up anywhere on this blog.
I will score straight A's for this coming finals. I must...
So discouraged and disappointed.
But...
I believe God is still faithful.
For all things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose - Romans 8:28
Signing off,
Matt
Monday, September 1, 2008
Drowned in my own unbelief...
Its funny how we sometimes speak volumes in words but fail when it comes to emotions and putting actions into our words.
Even now, this feelings of pain and neglect keep haunting me. I wished I could take them all away. I'm not afraid to admit it, but I want to cry it all away. Seeing everybody with their own families, their own friends, their own loved ones around them, I sometimes wished for things to be different.
No, don't get me wrong. I have a great family and very few great friends. Its just that everyone around me looks at each other with something different in their eyes. I can't help but notice it.
I do believe in love, but I don't believe in myself anymore.
I thank God He's the only One who understands.
Signing off,
Matt
Even now, this feelings of pain and neglect keep haunting me. I wished I could take them all away. I'm not afraid to admit it, but I want to cry it all away. Seeing everybody with their own families, their own friends, their own loved ones around them, I sometimes wished for things to be different.
No, don't get me wrong. I have a great family and very few great friends. Its just that everyone around me looks at each other with something different in their eyes. I can't help but notice it.
I do believe in love, but I don't believe in myself anymore.
I thank God He's the only One who understands.
Signing off,
Matt
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