Monday, May 31, 2010

Facing My Giants...

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

I've learned that as long as I glorify God no matter what it is I'm doing, I can never go wrong in life.
It's amazing how I've missed out on this very reason in life.
There have been too many times where I should have perished, failed, and crash and burn.
But it's amazing that no matter how far I've wandered away, God's amazing love always brings me back to Him.


1. Excellent UPSR results.
2. Great PMR results.
3. Pretty amazing SPM results.
4. Scholarship for my whole degree program.
5. Winning the national finals for English Business Competition and representing Malaysia in the international finals in Singapore.
6. And now, a scholarship for my ACCA program.

And that's only the major points in life, not withstanding the fact that there are so many other reasons to be thankful for.
No, I'm sincerely not bragging.
I'm not the most smartest guy in the world, nor am I the most hardworking person.
In fact, I can be quite a slacker.
This is all proof that for some reason that I cannot fathom (except the very fact that He loves me), He is showing me His unmerited favour.

I guess it's all pointing to the fulfillment of the prophecies I've received.
Somehow, I can see the trail that is building up to that very point in life.
Whatever it is, things are definitely gonna change.
From now on, everything I do is to the glory of God...and nobody else.
I will not bask in any glory at all.
Cause this person right here, should have been dead long ago.

The point of this post?

No matter how crazy ACCA looks, I'm gonna go all out.
With God, nothing is mountain too high to overcome.
If I pass all my papers, it's definitely God.
But even if not, God has His reasons.

Nevertheless, I'm placing my faith in Him.
You can never go wrong (no matter how demeaning the circumstances are) when God is along side you. all I can really think of right now.

Bring on the exams!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Blanks Stares...

It is nights like these, that the mind is at its best.
Churning and concocting thoughts that only you were meant to know.
Past the chime of midnight, and silence seems to unfold in eerie darkness.
During this time, thoughts run unfiltered and free from biasness.

You know how both internal and external factors play a huge role sometimes in determining the way things are.
I guess you could say I hate how I'm limited by resources in general, to actually do the things that I want.
Sometimes, I wished I could spend more time with certain people, or accept invitations to certain events/activities.
Due to constrictions, I would normally end up turning them down politely.

In the end, you could say it affected the viewpoints that I never made any effort when in actuality I wished I could.
This in turn probably led to being ostracized and ignored for a lot of things.
And yet I always end up in this same spot, and it was a plain 'me-against-the-world' scenario.
The disappointments that always ensued caused a sense of bitterness, and somewhat aghast at how things turned out.

Suffice to say, I've always had to constantly remind myself to focus on God, the one Person that has never let me down.
For all I know, this could be a repetition (and probably will be a repetition) of this constant struggle that I face.
But you know, I'm just tired of having to deal with this.

The very reason I'm so the many disappointments I've had over the years with various people.
In the end, you're left with a handful of people...a meager amount that a single hand can account for.
I really have no idea how to deal with this, but I'll find a way...God-willing.
So God help me now if I don't find a way to overlook disappointments and create my own appointments in life.
Then again, He is faithful.

I'm done.

PS: A mere 9 days to exams. Dear God...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

No illusions, just me and my reflection...

Quick update.
God continues to be awesome, showing me His unmerited favour...
Passed my P1 mocks paper, surprisingly...the only one to pass.

I'm getting a bit worried at the pass rates.
Honestly, I'm freaking out.
Mocks are definitely not a guarantee, and the finals I anticipate are gonna be way harder.
I'm worried, but gotta just do what I can and continue trusting God to bring me through this.

Results thus far, I'm surprised I even passed considering how I did during the mocks.
From now till then, it's gonna be that last push.
Crunch time, but I have God. : )

Till then, have an awesome month ahead.

PS: Perhaps it is time to go cold turkey. It can get really tiring sometimes.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Chasing A Fleeting Silhouette...

Have you ever looked at a shining star, and reached for it?
Or grasped for a piece of the cotton candy by the store?
Perhaps you've peered through the window and looked on,
And looked at what you had and wished for more...

I've seen my forbidden fruit, lusciously red and juicy,
Hanging from a branch that extends ever so tall,
At the bottom of the tree I stood, hands in cup-like position,
Looking up, and hoping that into my hands it will fall.

Out came the sun, overbearing and up in the horizon,
Scorching the ground, beating down on me so evidently,
And yet I stood my ground staring so intently, waiting,
I realized that this wait might not end indefinitely.

Time passed, and clouds of grey loomed into view,
The brewing of a thunderstorm made known its presence,
Torrents of rain fell upon the earth, wave after wave,
But still I stood my ground, that very same distance.

I watched as my apple got snatched from my very eyes,
All I could do was to see it tossed to and fro, repeatedly,
How I long to savour the taste, and to truly partake of it,
But you come to realize that you'll never have it, inconspicuously.

And I've watched the opportunity slipped away.
How I've tried to fight for my dreams, and gave up fighting a lost cause.
One question but remains...

Are some dreams merely building castles in the air?

Crunch Time, Baby...

After getting the modem struck by lightning (due to me being persistently stubborn and ignorant), dad got the modem changed.
Yes, being on a one and a half day hiatus from the internet sucked.

Lesson of the day: ...there is no lesson. Oh wait! Off the computer at the first signs of a storm.

It's exactly 20 days till my first virgin ACCA paper.
The thought of it scares the crap out of me.
New examiners, new auditing standards, and even a new on-screen marking by the examiners that's got ACCA coming up with some rules (i.e. only use black ballpoint pens, etc).
I have no idea what to expect.

But, God has been faithful.
My results thus far have been beyond my expectations.
Audit is insane.
56 marks, and the only one that passed in class.
Taxation was a pleasant surprise, making tonnes of careless mistakes and still getting a 73%.

But I've realized that this is crunch time.
My one and only chance of getting it right.
I'm really freaking out, but I know that as long as I have God...everything will fall into place.
So here's to a hiatus that will last quite a fair bit.
World Cup fever is about to hit as well.

Till then, time to suit up!

Friday, May 14, 2010

I Am That Difference...

The second is this: "Love your neighbour as yourself." There is no greater commandment than these ~ Mark 12:31

Time is a finite resource.
Running about our own business, we strive to utilize every passing moment.
Seemingly becoming ignorant to the needs around, numb to our surroundings.

As we go about hoping to achieve our goals in life and seemingly more 'important' needs, we forget to stop and give a helping hand.
We forget, to love those around us.
Losing precious time is deemed of higher priority compared to the people around us.
What's scarier, is that it has become second nature.

I realize how hard it is to find someone who genuinely cares for your well-being (excluding family).
Amazingly difficult to find someone who sincerely enjoys your company and who actually takes the time to listen to how your day went.
Scarcely to be found is someone who accepts and loves you the way you are regardless of how you look or who you are.

Have you ever wondered what life would be if Adam did not have his Eve?
A cause for loneliness and even God knew that though we were made to worship Him and the fact that only He alone can fill the constant void and longing, we all need love.
To be accepted, to be loved, to have someone come along side you and go the extra mile.

God can be all that, and more...
But I'm thankful He understands the human need for acceptance, and for recognition.
He gave us family, friends, and love.
I want to learn to care and love unconditionally, even if it's only me.
God, help me to draw love from You and to love the world around me.

I want to be that difference.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

22 Years And More...

11th May 2010 went by just like that.
As much as it's always been mundane, I guess I've always wanted to be surprised.
I just think it'll be really great if suddenly a whole bunch of people come over and surprise you.
Oh well...

This year's birthday has been...different?
I normally conjure up a wish-list every year before the 'big' day comes around, but this time round...I almost forgot my own birthday and remembered only the night before.
In fact, I wanted to write this post on a wish list after the whole birthday, but...nothing comes to mind.

There's so many things that comes to mind, but I guess I've realized the truth now.
There is definitely nothing better than being accepted and loved, and that was a birthday wish I certainly wished hard enough.

God certainly was faithful though.
I guess as I look forward to the rest of the year, everything will fall into place as long as I keep focused on God.
22nd years and moving on to greater things.

PS: Thank you Cla Bear for that short but simple birthday post. : )
PSS: Iron Man 2 was pretty good for me. I'm a sucker for action movies.

Monday, May 10, 2010

My Promise, My Cross To Bear...

As I strummed the guitar, plucking the strings intricately...God spoke.
No, it was not in a literal audio kinda way, but rather the prompting in the heart.
Right there at that very moment, you could say I was set free.

I realized that I've tried to fill this void.
Running away from reality, I thought that things would sort out itself eventually.
But it hit me hard yesterday, that you cannot run away forever.

I'm not ready.
More than a promise, it was a commitment.
More than a commitment, it was the very essence of my heart.
More than all that, it was

I've messed up too many times, always hoping to get back on track.
I've tried it so many different ways.
Yet I realize that things will never get any better on my own.
After a long while, I can conclude that I'm braving it out to face reality and make up for lost time.

Only this time, I'll let God do the sorting out for me...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

If Love Is Ever Really Love...

True strength and love is when someone would rather stay through when the going gets tough even if leaving and walking away is so much easier.

Tell me, what is love?
I refuse to be misled, to think that when someone says "I'll always be there" and never will be.
Just the idea of it scares me.

Words are mere words.
When people say those 3 words, it means so little.
The frequency it is being used when the magnitude is so great does not tally at all.
It should be negatively correlated, simply because words bearing so great a magnitude should be uttered on a lower frequency to only a specific group of people.

Love must mature.

I heard those words a while ago, and I can't help but realize the importance of that truth.
I've grown to love some people, some more than others, but I realize that even then...I've become so skeptical.
Love is never love, if it never grows.

Love gives and hopes for nothing in return.

Perhaps this is the hardest truth to understand, because we have needs.
We love and hope to be repaid in full, but most of the time it never really is fully realized nor does it materialize over time.

Mummy once told me...

"Marriage is not a bed of roses. In fact, it's not even to make each other feel good and happy. It's a lifetime commitment that is depended on God to help you love the other party despite..."

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
Here's the twisted truth - "When love gets tough, we bail."

I guess love is tested when the most trying of storms hit the boat.
Do you rock the boat, or determine deep down to steer the ship through the storm into clear waters?
Do you jump off at the first amber signals of difficulty, or are you determined to see through the commitment that you've made right from the start?

The repercussion of our actions are huge, life-changing.
Too many relationships have been based on the feel-good factor, those 3 words that make you squirm, increase your heart rate, give you sweaty palms, causes butterflies to flutter in your tummy, and to some, a tongue-tied stutter.
Even more relationships have ended in tatters when the feel-good factors diminish and the person becomes just another ordinary person to which you find out that you cannot love the person for who he/she really is.

Grow into love.
Learn to love.
Commit to love.

Till death do us part.

It is NEVER too early to consider these words in a relationship.
I've realized that we always give a time line to the relationship, "if and when it gets serious...then we'll consider."
Every relationship is just another 'crash test', and not something you'd consider carefully before saying "I do".

Perhaps it's time we looked at things differently...

And that was the day I promised, I'll never sing of love,
If it does not exists...

But darling, you...are the only exception.

And up until now I had sworn to myself
That I'm content...with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk...

But you...are, the only exception.