It is nights like these, that the mind is at its best.
Churning and concocting thoughts that only you were meant to know.
Past the chime of midnight, and silence seems to unfold in eerie darkness.
During this time, thoughts run unfiltered and free from biasness.
You know how both internal and external factors play a huge role sometimes in determining the way things are.
I guess you could say I hate how I'm limited by resources in general, to actually do the things that I want.
Sometimes, I wished I could spend more time with certain people, or accept invitations to certain events/activities.
Due to constrictions, I would normally end up turning them down politely.
In the end, you could say it affected the viewpoints that I never made any effort when in actuality I wished I could.
This in turn probably led to being ostracized and ignored for a lot of things.
And yet I always end up in this same spot, and it was a plain 'me-against-the-world' scenario.
The disappointments that always ensued caused a sense of bitterness, and somewhat aghast at how things turned out.
Suffice to say, I've always had to constantly remind myself to focus on God, the one Person that has never let me down.
For all I know, this could be a repetition (and probably will be a repetition) of this constant struggle that I face.
But you know, I'm just tired of having to deal with this.
The very reason I'm so skeptical...is the many disappointments I've had over the years with various people.
In the end, you're left with a handful of people...a meager amount that a single hand can account for.
I really have no idea how to deal with this, but I'll find a way...God-willing.
So God help me now if I don't find a way to overlook disappointments and create my own appointments in life.
Then again, He is faithful.
I'm done.
PS: A mere 9 days to exams. Dear God...
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