I Surrender All to You...

Surrender - Planetshakers

WARNING: Long post ahead! Read at your OWN risk! : )

Gong Xi Fa Cai!
Gong Hei Fat Choi!
San Lin Fai Lok!

and...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

It's that time of the year when all you do (or at least I do) is go out, visit, eat, and collect...MONEY!
A time when prosperity is wished upon family and friends, when a full year is wished ahead to those around you.
This year however, it seems like the effect has sorta been nullified and dulled.
No, I don't think it's due to the coincidence that Valentine's fell on the first day (known as chor yat) of the new year.

Somehow, the excitement that usually entails the arrival of the dates seemed lost.
So far, it has been really happening though.
The usual signs have been foretelling with the extreme weather conditions, noisy firecrackers going off at night, and house visitations that have begun.
Not to mention the crazy food spread that have been ever so often placed in front of our eyes.
Feasting, as we Malaysians call it.

I guess things are still on a pick up.
Progress, then regression.
I've never been known to be a fast healer.
Some days are better than others, but it's been nothing short of challenging.
One baby step at a time, is taking too darn long.

Finding my foot, it's been terribly tough for me at certain points.
I've watched myself crumble to considerable pieces...and friends who have walked by.
This stage is not something new.
College is interesting in terms of studies, but I guess ACCA students are just known to be pretty much lifeless to a certain extent.

I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am still here today, by the grace of God.
Reached a stage where I've questioned if anything anyone says is of any value.
Frankly, I've questioned if the friends I've made were genuine.
No particular disrespect to anybody, but I tend to rant when I'm not in the mood.
I do not expect anything, but too many times I've had people gone through breaking points in life...and I've always been the one to be there.

But...

I can't remember people who GENUINELY, yes...genuinely took the time to ask how I felt about certain things or decisions.
And they always disappear sooner or later.
Yes, I am ranting.
It really is tiring to love unconditionally so many times, and I really do wonder how Jesus could show such love and still die on the cross for the world when the WHOLE world was rejecting Him (and was even forsaken by the Father at that particular point of time).

I guess it's because He knew how to depend on the One source of strength that came from above.
He knew that the Father's love was UNCONDITIONAL no matter what.
And as long as I don't learn my lesson, I'll be stuck at this point in time.
I know now I definitely cannot do this on my own strength.
How I'm gonna get through this, only God will pull me through this...
A lesson He wants to teach me, I'm sure.

But I don't recognize myself anymore.
I think I'm beginning to lose faith in people.
Thank God though, that love will always remain.
And having faith in love will help me to love "in spite of."



Ugh, my apologies.
If you've read up to here, congratulations!
Haha! : )
Not the kinda prosperity post you'd be hoping for ei?

But, Happy Chinese New Year once again.
And again, I've still yet to update my January posts and now I've got the February updates coming up.
Soon soon.
Gah...

This is me, signing off.