It happened again, and for a moment, it felt too familiar. I can just feel my every move being scrutinized, analyzed, broken down, and thrown at me like "missiles". Honestly, I wished I could run away from it all, cause the people who you'd think you can trust the most, are the ones watching your every move.
Weird reality, but true. Maybe thats why I feel so much closer to friends who live outside of that context. Maybe, just maybe that I *ahem, excuse me for saying this* hate being related to the automated title that has been so nicely "bestowed" upon me. No, I won't deny, its unique and probably the greatest blessing I could have been born to, and I refuse to describe it otherwise.
But...
...
...
...
Its taking a toll on me. I'm not perfect, and neither would any of you want me to tell you how to try to live your life to as perfect as you can be. And yes, I'm glad that someone was there to hit me with the truth. No, I'm not angry and I refuse to be.
Its okay if I don't feel accepted anymore. Its okay if I'm not someone you guys reserve that special treatment for. Its even okay if you reserve that special judgement for me. I'm not accusing you of anything anyway. Its just that I've had enough of trying to be accepted, and if I'm not good enough, then its fine. I don't have to achieve your standards of that someone that I need to be in order to be accepted.
I don't care if I'm not good enough. I'll be as imperfect as I can be, and stay happy. After all, there's only one person to please; the Heavenly Father.
Its alright...
I'm alright...
Signing off,
Matt
PS: Thank you for accepting me. You know who you are. <33
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